took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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