i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize