so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize