You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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