Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
