Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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