Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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