Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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