You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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