Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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