you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
