I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
