I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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