god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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