A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
