Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
