using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
