i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
