can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
