yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
