Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
