you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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