Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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