He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
