I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
