I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
