i wish peter jackson would direct porn
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
