Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize