Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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