the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
