He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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