Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
