We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
did i walk over a car last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
