Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
