You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
