did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
