words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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