Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
