i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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