tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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