You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
