no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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