If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
