Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
