woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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