Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
