glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
