just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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