Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
