his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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