I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize