he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
