that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
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All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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