Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
