I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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