Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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