wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
