I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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