i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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