i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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