He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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