party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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