So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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