I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize