I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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